- My kids are growing up without grandparents. They still have intergenerational relationships.
- I'm grateful for the people we've met in the community who have made connections with my kids.
- Though no one can replace their grandparents, I'm grateful for these intergenerational friendships.
Each day in my community, I witness grandparents joining their grandchildren at library storytime, school pick-ups, assemblies, sports games, and musical performances. A pang of envy and heartache overtakes me when I consider what my children are missing.
More than I mourn the loss of my own parents, I mourn what my kids will never have again. Though I'm aware that it's not unusual for kids to grow up without all their grandparents, our family stands alone in our peer group without any at all.
Every family is different, and we miss having grandparents in ours
While I appreciate the uniqueness of every family dynamic, navigating the upbringing of young children without any grandparental presence, even the occasional long-distance video chat or someone to share photos and milestones with, leaves a pronounced sense of emptiness and longing. What other person could unconditionally love and care for your children the way a grandparent could?
My three children have never known the joy of having a grandfather. My mother died eight years ago, before our third child was born, depriving her of the chance to meet her youngest grandchild. We are still grieving the recent loss of their Nana, my husband's mother, whose unwavering dedication to her family was unparalleled.
We maintain these connections to them by sharing stories and looking through old scrapbooks and photo albums. Despite these losses, I've come to understand that we can cherish the memories of the grandparents they've lost while also nurturing alternative, non-traditional grandparent-like bonds within our community.
Intergenerational relationships are important
The significance of intergenerational relationships is immeasurable. Research shows how they strengthen communities, preserve stories and local history, and contribute to the healthy aging of older adults. Additionally, older adults benefit from the enthusiasm and awe of young children, while teens who spend time with them often develop greater compassion and reduced ageism.
Additional research highlights how grandparents contribute to their grandchildren's well-being, offering acceptance, love, wisdom, and support. These interactions have been shown to impact a child's emotional health positively. One study discovered that children who have a strong emotional bond with their grandparents are less likely to experience depression later in life. Though my kids won't know their own grandparents, I've intentionally looked for other ways to bring intergenerational relationships into their lives.
My kids' grandparents can never be replaced, but I'm grateful for my community
A local grandmother recently invited me for tea. I was delighted to discover that an essay I'd written resonated with her, prompting her to reach out to connect. Her own grandchildren are of a similar age to my kids and participate in many of the same extracurricular activities. I often see her accompanying them around town, heavily involved in their lives.
Since my parents' deaths, I am increasingly drawn to connections with older generations, and often make them while serving on boards, volunteering on committees, and engaging in conversations at the coffee shop or playground. And it's not just me who benefits from these connections — my kids do, as well. They yearn for more than just historical facts; they hunger for the stories of the past, the nostalgic tales that transcend academic study. They're captivated by the unique life perspectives of those who've weathered various phases and decades, surmounted challenges, and now exude a calmness borne from wisdom and from not being entangled in the whirlwind of raising young ones.
A mentor of mine, whose children have grown and moved away, spends time playing with my toddler during our committee meetings. The older women in my circle who uplift and support me graciously welcome my little one at events and gatherings, showering her with affection and treating her as one of their own. They take an interest in my older children, asking them about their passions, hobbies, and interests. Grandfathers of teammates bestow encouragement and positive feedback following hard-earned victories and challenging defeats.
While I understand that I can never truly fill the void left by my own parents, I am grateful for the opportunities to connect and gain so many insights into a phase of life I will someday, if I'm lucky, get to experience. A grandparental bond is special and not easily replicated. Still, within the village I've dedicated myself to nurturing, I will persist in cultivating connections with older adults, recognizing each as an invaluable contribution to not only my life, but more importantly, my children's.
