- Decima Mullen lets her daughter, aged 3-and-a-half, discreetly pee outside when needs must.
- She was shocked to hear about a mom ticketed in a park because her son had to pee in an emergency.
- Mullen said it's less of a deal when kids pee outside in her home country of Germany.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Decima Mullen. It has been edited for length and clarity.
My three-and-a-half-year-old daughter and I were recently at a public park in our home city of Dallas.
"Mommy," she said. "I need the bathroom."
There was a huge line of people waiting outside the bathroom. "I gotta go," she said. Then she started to do the pee-pee dance.
I thought she would wet herself, so I just picked her up like a football. Then I ran to a nearby bush so she could do her thing behind it.
It's not a big deal in our family when our daughter needs to pee outside. It happened a lot during the beginning of potty training. But even now, despite teaching her to go before we leave the house, she can't hold it all the time.
I'm not alone. I talk to my mom friends, and they think the same way. They said that you often don't have a choice but for your kid to pee outside when nature calls unexpectedly.
We're always discreet
Everybody drives in Texas. We've had to stop on the side of the road during trips that are between 30 minutes to an hour away. Being a girl is harder than being a boy who needs to use the bathroom in a hurry. Boys can pee standing up and nobody notices.
We're always discreet, but we'll do the quick squat in an emergency and can't use the travel potty in the back of our SUV. I don't think there's ever been a time when anyone saw us. And, if they did, it would have been another mother who'd give a friendly smirk. "Been there, done that," they'll think.
I was recently shocked to read about a woman ticketed in a park in New York City because her four-year-old son had to pee outside. The mom was shamed. It struck me as ridiculous.
The bathroom was closed, so they had no choice. Under the same circumstances, I would have done the exact same thing. It's far better than having a child wet themselves.
It's different if it's done in the middle of the sidewalk or right in the center of an open space. It makes sense to move off to the side and pee in a way that's considerate to others.
Countries like Germany can be more child-friendly than the US
Generally, in Germany — where I was born and raised — people don't seem to bat an eye when a child has to pee outside. It's very much seen as a needs-must when you're out and about in public.
I've also found that there are a lot more bathroom facilities in parks and playgrounds in Germany compared to where I live now in the US.
Parenting is difficult enough without having to hunt for a bathroom for your child. There should be more bathrooms for them, especially in crowded cities. I wish there was more grace toward parents and acceptance of kids' needs.
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